Angry Bitch

You say my words are abrasive 

You say my walls are heartless

You say my defenses are insensitivity

But that is all you'll ever see me as

Not once have you gone past that image

Dared not question the reason for such

Hiding behind my false mirage

Wrapping it around you like it is real

Though an angry bitch, I appear

Not once do you see the pain in my eyes

The hurt, I've ran across and buried within

Invisible scars etched on my immortal soul

Though a million reasons to be truly angry

All I'm looking for is true love and happiness

In this journey finding stupid fake ass people

Though this wall is up, do you see me?

Hiding painful tears from the world around

Curling into a little ball of heart break misery

Pretending to be stronger for my sanity

Longing to be wrapped in compassionate words

An angry bitch, I appear to your eyes

Making it easier to spread pathetic lies

Though you do not see the true me

Gentle woman crying underneath it all

The words I speak are truly abrasive 

Hiding behind a wall of heartless-ness

Guarding my defenses with insensitivity

All in guise of protecting me

My heart longs to find one day

That truly special man out there

One that will see past the angry bitch

Knowing a woman worth loving

Author's Note:
This poem was inspired by several female Facebook Buddies upon reading their posts.  They often refer to themselves as bitches, cunts and so forth but what I see is a woman who has a wall so far up that they need protection and yet a couple of them have found a man to love them past their anger....their rage...and are melting those walls down.  Of course I did add a little of my own heart.  Because of course...I have to been labeled a bitch...often a heartless one...or angry bitch.

Irenia Guajardo
~Hellz Writer~

The Devil's Hand: Bit byte

Alrighty then, here is a sample....to wet your lips in hoping to wanting to buy the e~book.  Every sale goes to helping support my daughter.  Here it is...my little sample for those to read and wanting to get your lips wet for wanting more.

THE DEVIL'S HAND:

I had no memory how I got here, surrounded by darkness.  Slowly starting to take a few steps in front of me, the sixth sense imbedded in us, that there was some sort of wall that I could not see.  I could feel it.  I did what any normal human being would do and started to walk forward.  Eyes straining to adjust to the darkness, hoping to find some sort of light to guide my way, yet I found the feeling of hopeless misery that started to drag at my every essence. 

Continuing down the long dark corridor, I wanted to place my hands against the wall that I could feel was there lurking in the darkness, but fear struck me.  I didn’t want to touch it.  I had no concept of time on how long I was actually walking.  Though I had no idea, it felt as if I was walking for a very long time. 

Finally I could see some sort of light shining from a distance.  My pace quickened.  Finally light.  I wanted to reach this light and out of this seemingly eternal darkness.  The closer I got, I started to see a shape.

It was a silhouette of a door.

My human curiosity started to get the best of me.  I forgot that I was walking down a long dark corridor for what seemed like eternity.  I wanted to know where that door led.  As I approached it, a feeling of dread swept over me.  The hairs on the back of my neck started to stand up and I could feel every ounce of myself wanting to run the other direction. 

I didn’t listen to that inner voice that screamed at me to run.  Instead I wanted to find out, my dying urge to see what was behind that door. Hand slowly reaching out to grab the doorknob, but then the door starts to open slowly as if it knew the desires of my heart.  A soft warm light touched my face; at first it felt fantastic after all the darkness.

Light.

The door opened more and the light got hotter, till it felt as if my very flesh was on fire.  I started backing away from the door. I could hear sounds of people screaming in agony and despair. 

Closing my eyes, the sounds of their wailing filled my ears and it began to get louder.  I back away from this once welcoming light. From the corner of my eye, I saw it. At first, I thought I was imagining it. 

A figment of my imagination created out of fear.

I looked.  It wasn’t created out of fear or my mind playing tricks on me.  Along the now brightly lit wall were bodies of people.  Crying. Horrific screams of agony.  I couldn’t believe it, a wall created of living human flesh. I backed away even more down the dark hall.  I could see black tendrils coming from behind ripping at their flesh.  My eyes bewildered at this sight. 

That is all you get....sorry....now follow these links and get yourself an e-copy.  Thank you

http://offthebookshelf.com/authors/1841-irenia-guajardo#996
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/114042




Irenia Guajardo
~Hellz Writer~

Author's Note: The Devil's Hand

Upon finishing this story, I had sent it to my friend,{{and}} apparently his writing mentor/co-writer.  To see what he thought and it was cool to hear him call my writing style a young Clive Barker.  Even though I have read his later works, so I guess that is a good thing...right??  Well anyways.....I wanted to attach the Author's note here for those to read and maybe get a bit of sense to it.
Getting back on the writing horse, has been something a bit terrifying, but I am doing it.  I even think because of Chris, I want to write those writing series, to help slap out the stardust from young aspiring writers eyes.

Author’s Note:

             This short story was based on a nightmare I had, when I was younger.  You can say it was some what based on actual events. My mother, you can say was a very interesting person that gave me a wealth of inspiration.  Even if that meant she actually did wish for the devil to take my soul that night.  In Hispanic customs, it is called a mother’s curse.  My grandmother, {{rest her soul}} did in fact stay watch over me and prayed all night long till I did wake up. This is something I have never forgotten and wanted to share the tale.

But of course as the writer, I changed things up a bit and did not give it a happy ending.  I’m demented that way. 

 The Devil's Hand will be published on Smashwords and offthebookshelf.com at 10pm pst.  $1.99 is what the cost will be, every sale goes to helping support my little princess.

Irenia Guajardo

~Hellz Writer~

Poetry interpretation

Okay last night there was some debate about my poetry among the house. It was sort of awkward that 4-people were debating about the interpretation of each poem in my collection, "Illuminations of the Soul/Obscurities of the Heart" Which in the midst of me fleshing out "The Devil's Hand" They needed clarification and even to the point, I had to read a couple of them to them....
So I explained to them that these poems are not your typical poetry.  Where the words rhyme and shit, but I am not that type of poet.  I am a story teller, plain and simple.  I told them that what I originally wrote about is....isn't what I am trying to force upon my readers.  Ha ha ha...I don't like forcing anything upon people.  But I want you to take my hand and go on a journey.  A simple journey where you discover what each poem means to you.  I could tell you what I wrote about, but what fun is that for the reader.
Each person can take a poem and create what it means for them.  Simple as that.  I may be the story teller....but these poems are not an exact story.  My interpretations is not what I am going after.  I want you, as the reader to take each poem and associate it with your own life.  There may be a song here that reminds you of an incident in your life...a person...a place...something to make it special.  For me, I took from other people's situations....my own...and wrote....just wrote it out.
It isn't a novel, short story or a novella...where the story is set...it is simple.  Follow the road map to the demented Wizard of Oz or what ever character, I have set up for you.  Granted, I will have an author's note describing certain shit.
For Example....Victor...though a made up werewolf character...but he is my embodiment of Trevor Thomas Murray.  Everything I loved about Trevor is in Victor.  Of course it doesn't stop there with my fictional embodiment of Trevor....there is more characters that are based on him.  I also have used other people that reality you can't do shit to in reality...but hell...you can have fun in fiction.  All those people that have angered me....made me happy...will some form or another be in my fiction.  I don't like you...well be prepared for a horrific death.  For those I do care about....and well let's say you end up being the hero that gives your life to save others...I will shed a tear for you, because you in fiction become a part of me....
One thing I do not want, is to force my own views on the poetry that I wrote.  I want people to interpret it the way you see fit.  That for me...makes me happy....very happy.  I want people to personalize this as their own.....I think that says it enough.  So go through these and find a poem...read it...and think of it the way you want to see fit....and not how I wrote it.

Irenia Guajardo
~Hellz Writer~

Side Effects

Have you ever really read all the side effects that are for prescription and over the counter medicines??  Seriously folks....there is some fucking crazy ass shit.  When I did my funny little stink on the Religious Side Effects based on some friends view points....that was leading up to my own horror skit...that is suppose to be commercial like....in a way.  But the side effects that people get from taking sleeping aides, stop smoking aides and diet pills....are of course a few in the making.
Yet these fucking shit...can cause you to have liver damage and other problems...to your kidneys...your heart or even your intestines.  Yes, when I was researching it and even though it is suppose to be filmed at about 5-minutes or less....more banking on 3-minutes to 5-minutes.  I seriously, thought it might be an easy little endeavor, but reality was...when I took the time to research and search out all these side effects {{see was busy doing other things....the hunting for Trevor....sorry side note}}....and it took me days upon days reading all these different medical drugs out there.
Even the ones for depression...the shit you get...just to not feel sad at all...fuck...I rather feel sad and suicidal then have all the other fucking shit....kidney, vomiting, nausea....strange or unusual vivid dreams....and then on top of it...there is the feeling of hostility....I mean what the fuck!!?/
Oh yes...I need this drug to help me, but now I am feeling violent and irritable.....yeah....some one comes up to you and then you fucking flip out on them....making phone calls with no memory and not understanding why people are pissed or angry at you.  Yeah fuck face....go fuck yourself....and you are sitting there...like what?? It is the medication...that I am taking.  Please don't be mad at me. Even a few of the medications can cause skin pigmentation....to change color around the eyes...and your skin can become super sensitive...even skin irritation...where you can get blisters and rashes.
I mean what the fuck!!??  So we take cures and shit...but we are going to get a shit load of new problems...and make sure you see your doctor....if you need to take new medicines because they may not be compatible with each other.  And some of the medications you can't take if you become pregnant or are breast feeding.  All these shit is fucking strange....because yes....as a breast feeding mother...all the shit passes to your baby.  Your baby is getting a good source of stuff from mommy...and that means the drug as well. Granted, I want to film this....little skit and submit it to places...hell it shouldn't cost to much.
But the fact is...it was a learning experience.....I should add this to my production resume....hell I switched shit around because that is me!!  I do shit like that...all the time....I re-arrange shit because I am bored...and for the fun of it...I will re-itemize my DVD collection...just because it could have been better.  I know..I am weird.....but I can tell you this...little things make me happy...money doesn't make me happy...and certainly not medication...strange really people need shit to help them...with side effects
Oh take this pill and you will loose weight...and then you start to have the side effects...turning in to some super beast....{{screams}}...ooh lord....nooooo!! Okay...I am in some serious need of sugar....I want candy....!!  Side effects include...jumping up and down...acting hyper...cavities...
Do you want some candy??

Irenia Guajardo
~Hellz Writer~

Final Embrace

Final embrace in your strong arms

Remembrance of eternity forgotten

Kiss of passion as a parting gift

Exhale my life on your sweet breath

Allow me to slumber in your arms
Partaking your love inside me
Treasured memories in my dreams
Loving you eternally as it should be

Poem history:
I would have to say this is a short and sweet one...something we would all want to do...is die in the arms of the one we love.  Inspired by my own events of a lost love...it is said that when you loose your soul mate or true love...it feels like they died....well that is how it feels.  Everyday you die with out them.

Irenia Guajardo
~Hellz Writer~

♥♥♥ I ♥ Love ♥ You ♥♥♥

The tender touch of your lips

Beating pulse in your chest

Hands touching me ever so softly

Claiming my body as your own

Hearing your rapid breathing

Hot breathe against my neck

Your warm skin touching mine

My body moving with yours

Feeling you enter deep inside

A rush of emotions swirls around

Your strong arms lifting me up

Body screaming in eternal ecstasy

Each fluid movement you give

You are all I ever wanted in life

Giving such pleasure and desire

Feeling my body about to burst

There is no end to your passion

Your breathing driving me wild

Pulse racing as you go deeper

Releasing myself, I call out

I love you

Irenia Guajardo
~Hellz Writer~

Twisted Humor: Religious Side Effects

Need something to help with everyday life. Try a free per-Script-ion that is taken when you engross yourself in the Gos-pill. Clinical trials have shown zero side effects when taken it daily with dose of reality. Taken by itself can lead the user into becoming a religious zealot.
Doctor's have recently discovered new side effects to taking the free per-Script-ion, which includes but not limited to plastering crosses on vehicles, forcing the Gos-pill on others, hearing voices to sacrifice others in large groups using grape flavored koolaide, hallucinations of dates that could be the end and others not listed. If you or a loved one are experiencing any of these symptoms, promptly contact a priest for an exorcism. If that fails, please contact your local psychiatrist to be prescribed drugs that will sedate the voices in your head.
Unfortunately there are side effects for the friends who are around the Gos-pill users. Some symptoms can be mild to severe if left untreated. Mild and temporary side effects include driving you insane, which can cause you to lash out on your other friends to prolong psychobabble on ideals you don't believe in. Severe and prolonged side effects can cause serious and irreversible damage to normal healthy relationships. In most cases treatments include breaking off friendship with religious zealots. In some cases it has been proven difficult to escape, seek medical advice to slip them some lithium, to allow you to make your escape much smoother
Taking the free per-Script-ion, Gos-pill can help regulate your life when taken with a healthy dose of reality. Please consult a physician before taking any per-Script-ions.

Irenia Guajardo
~Hellz Writer~

Lethal Love by Elizabeth Reeves

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Words can't express
My heart's ache for you

This pain is severe
Cuts are bone-deep
You left scars
I'm forced to keep
My world is painted grey
With spots of red blood
An eternal display
Of the effects of your love

It might be lethal
It might just kill me
My heart enjoys it
No matter how deadly

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Words can't express
My heart's ache for you
Ain't no tellin'
What it'll do
I can't control
My heart's ache for you

This pain you inflict
Is what keeps me here
My heart just wants more
Whenever you're near
My brain screams, "Stop!"
My heart begs, "More!"
Sanity in the balance
I'm not "me" anymore

It might be lethal
It might just kill me
My heart enjoys it
No matter how deadly

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Words can't express
My heart's ache for you
Ain't no tellin'
What it'll do
I can't control
My heart's ache for you

Forever scarred
Slowly dying
My heart is joyous
I am crying
So masochistic
Wanting the pain
My heart don't care
I'm going insane

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Words can't express
My heart's ache for you
Ain't no tellin'
What it'll do
I can't control
My heart's ache for you

This was written by my niece.....it reminds me of what I would write....there is somethings that she says that sounds like a mini me....wow....the world does cycle another...lol

Irenia Guajardo
~Hellz Writer~

Repulsion by Elizabeth Reeves

The sticky fluid
Sickly crimson red
It makes me woozy
And light in my head

The word alone
Can make me sick
The thought comes
I shudder, "ick"

Everyone has it
It's just part of life
I don't know why
It causes me strife

The thought of it dripping
The scent filling the air
I'd have to sprint
To get out of there

Nausea overwhelms me
The sight and smell
Causing my stomach
To react as well


The red fluid, blood
Makes my head spin
My stomach weak
And my temper thin

The smell is sickening
It makes me gag
Yes, I can smell it
I'm not trying to brag

Think what you want
I just can't stand it
Why it sickens me??
I don't understand it

~~This poem is written by my niece, Elizabeth Reeves who happens to be a lot like me....I love her work and told her I was going to post two of them on my blogs.  I love how she writes especially the next poem that I will post. I will also be posting the long awaited apology letter that I had wrestled with...either to post it or not....but hearing some words...It's something I need to do.

Irenia Guajardo
~Hellz Writer~

Lost Love

Soothing darkness surrounding the room

Thoughts of you running through

Mind trying to go enter gentle slumber

Haunted memories of what was

Show me how to forget about you

Guide me away from the longing

Shine your light in my sleepless nights

Resting tired head in to tranquil dreams

Hoping to not dream of what is lost

Wishing to turn back the hands of time

Can't stop loving what made me happy

Time heals all wounds, so they say

Open wounds still lingering behind

Wishing that you would heal the hurt

Haunting memories of a lost love

Help me reach that peaceful slumber

Irenia Guajardo
~Hellz Writer~

Author's Note: Revised

After this strange week that led in to this weekend.....I have decided to alter the Author's Note....I believe it to be more fitting due to the circumstances.  I thought when I put it together that the way it was created was just fine, till I learned some hard to swallow truths.  And now, I think changing it all around.....makes this more fitting and for me more spiritually rewarding.

In completion of this intricate collection of words sewn together to formulate my book of poems it has been an upward journey of the heart and soul.  Not only did I have to dig deep within my own soul to find the true horrors and pleasures of my life, but taking inspiration from others as well as story ideas that I have written down.  Even though I left a margin of these people on my dedication and acknowledgments.  There are others that were not named, but yet they held an impact on my life to guide me on my path to my ultimate destination.

Originally I had this middle segment in my acknowledgments, but it seems that things have changed since the first edition of this book.  I really owe a lot to a special man, in a short amount of time, he captivated both my heart & my soul and never thought in a million years that such a person could ever existed on this planet.  Trevor Thomas Murray, you allowed me to see things in a whole new way and even though some of these poems remind me of you, but written before I met you.  Who knew the inspiration-the muse was really out there and not in my imagination or from another source?  Your faith and drive really kept me going, even though you have left my side, you will always be in my heart. 

It has been a great blessing to share these with my friends and now the world. In each poem there is a different meaning to others, but to be touched by each and feel the journey is the greatest goal attained.

Irenia Guajardo

~Hellz Writer~

Acknowledgments: Revised

When it existed, I would like to thank all the wonderful souls that were on Yahoo 360 for not only reading and commenting on my two blogs, but also offering some wonderful inspiration. I have to thank all my wonderful friends that stood by it all giving me the encouraging push to keep trudging on. Especially Barbara Pulaski-Ransom for constant challenging me in what I can write, “Dark Night” was written for you. My lovely co-workers that got to read the pre-things even though it was covered in ink where my corrections have been made.

The amazing artistic talent of Nick Rose for taking my vision and turning it in to an art form. With out you, this would still be floating on the back burner of my mind. I was very pleased with how he kept me in the loop of every step of the way and upon seeing the final results took my breath away. Thanks to the model, Madison Johns with out her posing in the strange ways, this cover would not have gotten done.

Irenia Guajardo

~Hellz Writer~

Movie History

Yes, this is a picture taken from the credits that has my name on it....from Cory J. Udler's Incest Death Squad 2 of course it is funny to see Trevor Murray's name above mine...so no matter what...he has been immortalized next to me.....ironic....but either way...I am pretty stoked about this little piece of cinema....so thank you Cory for making me part of the filth {{evil giggles}}

Irenia Guajardo
~Hellz Writer~

Pat the Zombie

...They didn't...as I was searching through facebook...I came across an ad...and well...it just made my mouth drop...and the girl from the ghetto came out with "Oh no...you didn't."  The beloved classic story of Pat the bunny is now...Pat the Zombie....makes you wonder....
Oh my goodness..it made me click the link and had to check it out...cruel spoof indeed...but I guess children need to learn how to deal with zombies...the proper way....lol...oh my goodness...maybe I should buy that book for my mother and see her blow a gasket with her religious stuff spewing forth...that could be a lot of fun...After all a twisted sense of humor is...well as they call me a smart ass....but being a smart ass does have it's perks.
At least I am not the only freak out there that has an idea for zombie bunnies....nothing is sacred any more....
Check out Pat the Zombie

Irenia Guajardo
~Hellz Writer~

Shattered Heart

Shattered pieces of a broken heart

Fall to the abyss of yesterday

An open wound forms deep

Creating a vortex of emptiness

How can one forget you??

Heart devoid of any and all form

Haunted by memories of you leaving

Engulfing whirlwind since you left

Though you are far from my sight

Longing to hold you once more

On bended knee pleading to the heavens

Requesting a relief from this hell

Truth burning past mortal flesh

With eyes closing from this horror

Your ghostly image do I see

The lonely emptiness that invades

Begging for universal redemption

Longing to hold you once more

The tragedy that has befallen

All in the guise of love

Shattered Shards of a broken heart

Waiting to feel your warmth again

Pledge of undying love is yours

A release from this tormented hell

Irenia Guajardo
~Hellz Writer~

Haunted

My mind keeps wandering away

To a time, only a year ago

Thoughts of you running through my day

Many a day, I have tried to forget you

Haunted daily by your memory

Images burned deep within my being.

Never wanting to know the truth

My mind keeps wondering of the lies

Spun cleverly and with out a trace

Dark and light shine through life

Tormented essence screaming for release

The anguish that is still deep inside

A hole ripped through my heart and soul

Caused when you left with out a trace

Heartbroken and alone in this world

Though you caused so much pain

Wishing for your return to my life

Frozen wasteland waiting for the sun

Melt the ice of the feeling of emptiness

Hoping to fill the open void deep within

Haunted daily by your memory

Thoughts of you running through my day

Heartbroken and alone in this world

Caused when you left with out a trace

Tormented essence screaming for release

~Hellz Writer~

Irenia Guajardo