I may not spend hundreds of dollars on movies or other form of entertainment, but the internet is everything I could hope for. It is a virtual world filled with information on the super higway of knowledge. You can be home and speak to a person in Venice about movie making or chat with a flock of writers in a chat room. Some once told me they had to give up their dreams because they were going to be a parent. Yet with all these wonderful resources at your finger tips, why wouls you give up on your dreams??
For the past few months I feel like I have been drowning in a sea of memories that started to consume my very mind. As I started meditating with a friend of mine, I started to see the black aspect that has consumed me. Terrible really. Yet we have the power to change our lives. We may not be happy with the politics or the religion in today's society but we can change our life. The power is in our own hands to do so and all it takes is the ganas {{desire}} to do it. We are taught to follow our hearts, but there is days we need to lead our hearts down the right path to pursue our dreams. For a long while my heart wept like a little child at the broken memories that have been formed around its little core. Instead of being mean to my precious fragile heart...it was a choice to tell it that it is ok to hurt, because it had know love and loss.
Taking that precious little heart and leading it down the right path. It takes years to grow in to the person you want to be and I am prepared to take that road..one step at a time. For now my mind has become a sponge and I am grateful that I am returning to the basics. To be that writer you need to remember your past and your journey and incorporate it as well as everything else you are researching. As my day started with the great news of recieving my ISBN in my email box. YES!! My ISBN and I started to reseach and for the last 12-hours or more...I found my passion sparking again. I thank one person for sparking my writing in April but once you remove the reason that spark was created, you start to realize that this passion is still there. You remove all negative feelings...hatred, sadness, hurt or anything else that clogs your soul up.
Then you start to reach for the positive..love, passion, desire...you start to see a path open up that you never experienced before. Nothing matters anymore but your drive...the desire...the passion. You start to remember little things that reminded you of why you wanted to become a writer. You remember that teenager and how much fun it was to sit in the library when you ditched school just to read books. Yes, I ditched school to be in the library just to read books on any subject I chose to. Today it felt the same way, I ditched my regular duties of cleaning my apartment just to research information on the internet. Not searching for answers to the mysteries of the universe or my heart, but remembering how much fun it was to find things. Today my mind was a sponge and I even remembered an old email account that I haven't been to in over a year. Shocking to see over 7-thousand emails in that account.
Even my baby loved the articles I was reading to her. I felt like I was back in school...learning from the masters. I had a love for school but when I did ditch it was because I had read the entire chapter in advance and I didn't want to be bored. Today it felt like that. For some reason when I write my story and it comes out on paper, for some odd reason it feels incomplete and I needed to find out why. I have been writing my novel for more than 30-days and it doesn't feel write. I felt like I am missing something and I needed to find out what. Just like you are in school you ask a professor about your problem you are facing and they give you examples and information to help you. Since the internet is at my fingertips, I was able to ask and find out a lot of information and it was a lot of fun to discover all I have.
I found out for one that April is National poetry month as November is National write a novel month. I learned that when you write your first draft, you get it out of your head and forget about grammar or anything else. You write and you just let it all out. For me, I like a set schedule...I want to have predictable life..yet with a baby. Well you never get predictable or mundane. So instead I got fustrated with my schedule, my life and everything else around me. Today's educational experience I learned that you can have two formats for a writer. Set amount of pages or a set schedule and since I can't have a set schedule. I need to learn to work around what I got. Being a single mother and with a 6-week old baby, I need to work with her. So when I can't be writing with two hands, then I can at least read an article to my daughter while absorbing the information. It is true..you can look at a glass as half full or half empty. Either way you look at it there is liquid in there at a half way point, but you can look at it in a positive or negative.
It is just nice to finally start to see life through different eyes. Change your tatics..change your ways...can't try the same thing and expect different results. It is a good feeling to be able to figure some of this out and get what I needed out of the way. The next few months should be very exciting. I am excited about the quest for knowledge and to share it with my daughter and here on my blog. You learn from past mistakes and you take those lessons learned and try to change your life for the positive...the glass is half full. We will see how exciting the next few days will be. Being a single mother and a writer....life will sure be exciting
Irenia Guajardo
~Hellz Writer~
