Why did the rabbit cross the road??

  GEORGE W. BUSH”
We don't really care why the rabbit crossed the road. We just want to know if the rabbit is on our side of the road or not. The rabbit is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

  AL GORE:
Immediately after I was born in a modest log cabin that I built with my own hands in Tennessee, I invented the rabbit. I also invented the   road. Therefore, the rabbit crossing the road represented the application   Of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.

  RALPH NADER:
The rabbit's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The rabbit did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a Gas-Guzzling SUV.

  PAT BUCHANAN:
 To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

  RUSH LIMBAUGH:
 I don't know why the rabbit crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there Is already forming a support group to help rabbits with   Crossing-the-Road Syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Rabbits crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars -- and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money -- money the government took from you to build roads for rabbits to cross.

  JERRY FALWELL:
Because the rabbit had an alternative life style! Isn't it obvious?   Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The rabbit   was going to the "other side." That's what they call it "the other side."   Yes, my friends, that rabbit had an alternative lifestyle. And, if you   eat that rabbit, you will become that way too. I say we boycott all rabbit 'til we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."

  DR. SEUSS:
 Did the rabbit cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the rabbit crossed the road, -- But why it crossed, I've not been told!

  ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
  To die. In the rain. Alone.

  MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.:
 I envision a world where all rabbits will be free to cross roads.   Without having their motives called into question.

  GRANDPA:
 In my day, we didn't ask why the rabbit crossed the road. Someone told us that the rabbit crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

  BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the Rabbit tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.

  JOHN LENNON:
 Imagine all the rabbits crossing roads in peace.

  ARISTOTLE:
 It is the nature of rabbits to cross the road.

  KARL MARX:
 It was a historical inevitability.

  SADDAM HUSSEIN:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

  VOLTAIRE:
 I may not agree with what the rabbit did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.

  RONALD REAGAN:
What rabbit?

  CAPTAIN KIRK:

To boldly go where no rabbit has gone before.

  FOX MULDER:
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more rabbits have to cross before you believe it?

  SIGMUND FREUD:

The fact that you are at all concerned that the rabbit crossed the road reveals your underlying???????? in security.

  BILL GATES:
I have just released e-Rabbit 2011, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook, and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of e-Rabbit.

  MARTHA STEWART:

No one called to warn me, which way that rabbit was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

  ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the rabbit really cross the road or did the road move beneath the rabbit?

  BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT rabbit. What do you mean by rabbit? Could you define "rabbit," please?

  THE BIBLE:
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the rabbit, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the rabbit crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

  COLONEL SANDERS:
Rabbit?

  TYSON FOODS:
We found it squashed on the road, resurrected and sold it.

What dafuq??

Have you ever heard something so strange and unusual that you question...why the fuck are your telling me this??  It happens all the time....and it is strange that no matter how strange I hear this shit....it still leaves wondering....questioning....
WHAT DAFUQ!!!??
What dafuq was the purpose of that?? What are you thinking??
But the more we say that...the more it seems that it is always happening...and it gets worse and worse and worse.
According to the Bible....it is stated that if you honor thy mother and thy father that you will be blessed with a a prosperous life.  Yet....I don't know if that is suppose to be a great thing because it seems that honoring....seems to be at times a bit excessive.
With everything going on....I am actually tired of how my mother has been acting.  My father in a strange twist of events has turned around and be the good guy.  It seems that he is better as a long distance relationship.  
My mother on the other hand had offered to help me...not because I needed her...but she offered.  I could have gone and sought a babysitter and gotten free bus tickets.  But she offered to drive and babysit and I thought that was great.
Yet....as it turned out....I was blamed that she missed work interviews because of me.  BECAUSE OF ME!!  OR MY FAVORITE BECAUSE I COULDN"T FIND A BABYSITTER!!!  Like now...I have found a couple of people that can babysit and one lady was going to charge $15 per day...$25 for 12-hours. Reality that is not bad. 
So my mother talks to her money hungry Christian friends...and no disrespect to my Christian friends who read this....but she comes back that she should have been paid $25 for 8-hours and $50 for overnights....but it seemed that she is talking professional rates.  Which I have talked to several people ...and some people will cut you a deal...with $15 a day....even though it would be nice....to pay $25 when you can afford it.  But the thing is...she loves to use how I don't want to help her find a job....and all I want her to do is babysit. 
As funny as it was...the original agreement...was she babysits and I find the job and then...I find a babysitter...and she gets a job....I find my own place to live...she can stay until she has enough money and she can move out.
It is not that difficult...but she doesn't do that...she instead just bitches and complains about everything.  It's funny that the other day, she was telling about this lady that she met on the bus.  How "Monica" told her how great it was that she "NEVER" had kids.  How kids are such a problem??
I mean she is telling me this shit.  I mean....WHAT DAFUQ???
She once told me that when you repeat something...it's because you felt the same too....but in life...sometimes you repeat shit because you just spew it out...
So earlier today...she tells me that I should work on her resume...and do all this shit...when in fact I had my to do list.  She went to the library.....was gone for 3-hours.  Why the fuck couldn't she do it herself??  But again....I had to set my time for her. 
I did that in Oregon back in April.  I had thought I could job hunt and work on my resume, because as funny as it was that Tim was willing to watch my daughter....and all it would cost me...is smokes and making sure his phone was on.  Tim was technically low maintenance in comparison to my mother and father.
Yet everyone thought Tim was the infection and my mother the remedy....in fact it is the opposite.  My mother is actually a lot worse than Tim and my father put together. 
The woman is never happy and it's not my fault that my brother kicked her out.  She really didn't want to leave and not only that but she didn't want to live with me.....so I got stuck with her.  It's been hard because she doesn't want to help with anything.....she claims to wash her dish, but doesn't do anything else....she leaves her trash instead of throwing it out...she doesn't help with shit....
Yes, babysitting...big deal...she didn't like any of the other sitters I picked....so I told her today after her final blow up in my face....she can do what ever she wants....because I have ...had enough.  I am the bad guy no matter what....she loves to twists facts...times and shit like that....it's pathetic....
I had enough and I try not to post all the dramatic shit on my page because that is not great....not only that but since my miscarriage I have had 3-yeast infections and horrible ones.....to the point....and yes...I had poured peroxide on my private part just for it to dry out...and it worked....for at least a day...I take allergy medication to help ease the itching...and I have gone to the hospital where they have given me a shot...a pill...to help get rid of this....
I don't wear underwear to prevent any other chance of getting more yeast infections, but it doesn't help....my entire body chemistry is out of whack!! But does she care...no...she just complains about everything...and I mean everything....
It becomes to be a drain and a drag, because I am suppose to set everything aside after she belittles me....and I am suppose to go gun hoe for her...So next week...I'll be looking for more work and having the extra cash to pay for a babysitter...so I won't be needing her....anymore...I'm done with this constant bad daughter thing...and I have no need for it any more....
Telling me about how Monica tells her about how she travels the world....well go after Monica since nothing holds you back....
She once had told me that I shouldn't struggle alone...and she said this shit when Tim was leaving...so it was like...okay...I can deal with the blow about Tim leaving...but reality is...there is no reset button...and well...I finally had enough of this bullshit...
I mean how many women....put their family first!!!??  NOT MANY!!  NOT MANY AT ALL!!! Most women or men...are a drama drain on their parents...and instead...I have been trying...to ease this woman's depression about how my brother treated her...but enough is enough...
It's just time to cut the cord...and let her just go...let her leave her life....no more of anything....we do our thing and she does hers because...this 50-50% bullshit was really 90-10%....and I wait to see what her schedule is like...to work around it...and not anymore...
Like I told my friend, Chris....enough is enough....time to cut the cord!! I haven't lived with this woman since I was 13-years old and now I understand...why I stayed away from my family because they'll never approve of me nor love me....and I am sick and tired of it...

But in new starts...you need to remove the bullshit!!  I have a new author's site...and I would like to move towards that direction about more writing...

To be continued......

Irenia Guajardo
~Hellz Writer~

Things you never say to a man

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahhhh, it's cute.
3. Why don't we just cuddle?
4. You know they have surgery to fix that.
5. Make it dance.
6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?
7. Wow, and your feet are so big.
8. It's OK, we'll work around it.
9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
10. Oh no... a flash headache.
11. (giggle and point)
12. Can I be honest with you?
13. How sweet, you brought incense.
14. This explains your car.
15. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
16. Why is God punishing me?
17. At least this won't take long.
18. I never saw one like that before.
19. But it still works, right?
20. It looks so unused.
21. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
22. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
23. Are you cold?
24. If you get me real drunk first.
25. Is that an optical illusion?
26. What is that?
27. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
28. Does it come with an air pump?
29. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
30. I guess this makes me the 'early bird.

Irenia Guajardo
~Hellz Writer~

Twisted Humor: Nature Walk

While walking through the Colorado woods, a man came upon another man hugging a tree with his ear pressed firmly against the tree. Seeing this he inquired, "Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you doing?" "I'm listening to the music of the tree," the other man replied. "You gotta be kiddin' me." "No, would you like to give it a try?" Understandably curious, the man says, "Well, OK...". So he wrapped his arms around the tree and pressed his ear up against it. With this, the other guy slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, took his wallet, jewelry, car keys, and then stripped him naked and left. Two hours later another nature lover strolled by, saw this guy handcuffed to the tree stark naked, and asked, "What the hell happened to you?" He told the guy the whole terrible story about how he got there. When he finished telling his story, the other guy shook his head in sympathy, walked around behind him, kissed him gently behind the ear and said, "This just ain't your day, is it cupcake?"...

Irenia Guajardo
~Hellz Writer~

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Irenia Guajardo
~Hellz Writer~

Twisted Humor: Raise

I, the P. Niss, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons: I do physical labor. I work at great depths. I plunge headfirst into everything I do. I do not get weekends or public holidays off. I work in a damp environment. I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation. I work in high temperatures.
Sincerely, P. Niss

The Response:

Dear P. Niss:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons: You do not work 8 hours straight. You fall asleep after brief work periods. You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in or der to start working. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing. You will retire well before you are 65. You are unable to work double shifts. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task. And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Available stories

I am hoping that I will have a press release set out for the short stories....and the mini collection. Yes, finally I got them accomplished...and it did take... almost pulling Tim's teeth out in help with editing, but he finally did....and well I was able to publish.  He wanted to do it the hard way by reviewing a PDF and then adding his notes...I told him to go instead...

Click on a picture and go buy a copy.....available on Amazon Kindle.  You can also download the app for your Android, PC, I-Phone or MAC.....

Available for 99 cents

Available for 99 cents

Available for 99 cents

 And now available the mini-collection of Dementia....or Tales of Dementia Vol. 1

Available for 1.99

 Thank you so much and I appreciate your patronage.....and I will try to get more stories out.....this year...

Irenia Guajardo
~Hellz Writer~