Information about dating me

So a friend on Facebook had asked me several questions about me and dating…it was more of a general poking for information email.  So instead I told him that I would write this, because if one guy wonders…there is going to be more….so this will be used as basic information.

I don’t have a type of guy.  When I was younger, yes I had a type.  The guy had to be tall, long hair and with blue/hazel/green eyes.  That was my type of guy.  That guy had me drooling or foaming at the mouth.. eventually as time went on the length of hair was not that important.    Now, I am looking for a great guy….he’s not always going to be nice, but he will know how to have a conversation with me…know how to treat me and of course have some morals and values.

I know that is very simple.  The reason is because love comes in any form.  It could be a guy that has noticed me and he is not even on my radar and a few simple acts of kindness may grab my attention.  I am unaware however of men liking me.  Yes, I am focused and busy on life that I don’t pay attention.  I am use to hearing cat calls and degrading comments where I shoot them evil looks.

But once you have gotten my attention and you are on my radar…here’s a few things that you should know:

I do have a high sex drive for the right guy.  I am not 90-years old and if let’s say sex does happen and you know how to do it…more likely I am going to want more, but it is more of a spiritual thing.  Many cultures believe that having sex brings the two souls as one.  Now….that doesn’t mean that my legs pry apart for any guy.  It means that if you can get past all the other things…there could be sex.  Why did I put it first because that is where 90% of the guys mind is…on sex.

Next is that I am an intellectual being.  If I tell you what is on my mind or in my heart…I am giving you every detail for you to formulate about me.  I know guys would have some weird infatuation about me but can’t even hold a conversation with me.  Unfortunate they fall off my radar and they wonder why and no matter how hard I tell them-they assume that I am talking about some sort of sex talk.   Again, I do enjoy sex talk…it’s funny and perverted and it can be enjoyable for some who are not virgin nun ears.   I do not like a guy who is always talking about it…even though it is fun, but if I am talking about publishing and such and it goes right back to sex talk…that will turn me off.  Again, it is fun and all but not all the time.

I am a logical and rational being, if a guy tells me something that is harsh and cold.  I will remove the emotional state and think how they meant it.  If I am confused, I will refer to a friend’s opinion.  No, I will not bash the guy because we all know friends and family tend to side that the person can be a bad guy or girl.  I hate that.  I ask for the basic situation…the what if??  What do you think it means in this situation??  Sometimes being in the heart of the situation causes undo rest in oneself and you need a second opinion.

I am intense and have been told this by a numerous people.  If you are afraid of a woman that knows what she wants or where she wants to go in life….then stop and find someone else more your style.  I will challenge you to strive to become better, if you look at it as a bad thing…again…stop….find someone else more your style.  When I have set my goals in place and start to move forward on them-I can become very intense.  If I like a guy…and I mean truly like a guy…there is no half assing it.  I am not going to give the guy 20% of myself.  I am going to give him 100% of me…that is how I go….All or nothing.  Like the saying goes…can’t handle the fire …then get out of the kitchen.

If a guy gets to the point of asking me on a date, he’ll need to understand that I have a daughter and I do have a rule.  He pays for babysitting…that simple. I love movies, long walks on the beach and even hiking.  The date does not have to cost much….if the guy is going for brownie points and yes, I am going to list that here…he may even include my daughter, but she does have autism and tends to get over stimulated.   Showing patience with her will give you brownie points with me….since she is my universe.

Now, I have no interest in a guy that I have to chase.  I have done it before and it is a hassle.  The guy later comes across some sort victim like I stalked him.. So if a guy wants me then he has done his research and wants to keep me as his.

There are times that we all can become insecure and not know what you want.  I am okay with that, but if you mention on a numerous times about your confusion-then I will walk away even if I like the guy.  It is not my job to make a man realize what he wants.  If he pursued me and showed interest in me than it is something to say that he wants to keep me.  I am fairly easy to keep….but granted most guys don’t know what they want with a woman like me.

I am a romantic.  Even though I write horror, I am a die-hard romantic.  Let’s say the hypothetical and that I did walk away and you want me back….grab some courage and do what you are thinking.  Trust me…major brownie points will be awarded and you will release my hidden feminine side.   It’s like a cat that has been abused.  It takes trust.   I am a woman…I may not show it all the time, but I am a woman.

I am demented and twisted, but don’t think for one moment that is going to happen to you, What I write or think is two different things than my actions.  Which leads back to being a romantic and I know most guys never get to experience it because it doesn’t get to that point.  I do like to hug, I like to cook and all those female domestic things and I love being appreciated.  If I am not going to be appreciated…I have friends and family that do and there is no point in you being in my life.

Honesty….I love honesty, but not that joking, smart ass honesty because reality I am logical and may not grasp it.  Be straight forward with me.  I give a guy brownie points for being direct with me. 

I don’t compete for any one’s time.  If a guy that is interested in me picks his friends over a date with me-I will continue to allow that till you don’t hear from me.  My daughter’s father would force me to make that choice for him.  Either I make him chose me or his friends.  If you pick your friends over the woman you claim to love-then it is safe to say….you are infatuated with me…and please let me go.  I have no problem with a guy having friends, but if you blow me off for your friends in the start of the stages of “wanting to get to know me”-it’s safe to say that I won’t be getting any of your time if we are together. Which goes back to having to chase a guy and I won’t do that again.

If you want to make time for me, please regard the simple fact that I have a daughter. I plan my life around her.  If you want to have a home cooked meal and watch a movie…please join us.  We are a loving duo that is looking to make it a trio.

I am a geek.  I love horror movies, anime, video games, and all the wonderful such. Now if you want to be my date to a film festival and all that stuff…please…remember that I will geek out.

I am a firm believer in second chances.  Sometimes I may appear so intense and passionate that it gives a guy the frights, but if he is really interested…he can always try again.  We are not perfect.  We all make mistakes and I am one of those women that loves to try again.

If you are intrigued by me, please research me….learn what is my favorite things…don’t assume that watching my Facebook page is going to provide you all the answers.  Don’t assume that I am not going to look your direction.  I have a lot on my mind and at times have blinders on…so…a friendly hello is welcoming and if you keep it up in wonderful warm conversations….you will grab my attention….now the rest is really up to you

Again this is some basic stuff.  I want a guy who knows what he wants.  He can be a bit insecure, he can be goofy and he can also know when to be serious.  He can be calm, cool and collected to my fire.  It is said that opposites attract but I would love to build a solid foundation in friendship…so…reality is…I am looking for a soul that can play with my demons and be at ease in my presence.

I am not a Goddess after all…even though I joke about it

 

Irenia Guajardo
~Hellz Writer~

 

Legal information about blogs and other things…..

When a person is cyberstalking and cyber harassment there is a set of laws.  And one, it has been brought to my attention that a couple of photos that are used on this blog is being used on a just for fun site on Facebook. Two-that is considered breach of privacy laws, especially when using an intellectual property of a likeness of a person and second-cyber harassment and a major sign of cyber stalking.  On this “Just for Fun” page it claims the FBI were contacted and my daughter’s blog was reported….so I went to the FBI website.

“The IC3 accepts online Internet crime complaints from either the actual victim or from a third party to the complainant. We can best process your complaint if we receive accurate and complete information from you. Therefore, we request that you provide the following information when filing a complaint:

Your name

Your mailing address

Your telephone number

The name, address, telephone number, and Web address, if available, of the individual or organization you believe defrauded you.

Specific details on how, why, and when you believe you were defrauded.

Any other relevant information you believe is necessary to support your complaint.”

The FBI removed their link to Social Media sites. The person’s picture that is being used gave permission to use it on Serenity’s fan page and her blog.  This is not a website, it is a blog and as the blog owner-I know the standard steps it takes to get a blog taken down by Google.  You will need numerous reports to Google where they will do an investigation.  When they feel they have enough evidence, they contact the admin of the blog. 

If names were not used in your blog-it could be about anyone.  If you are the one reporting the blog because you feel it is about you-the owner of the blog can then report you for “CYBER STALKING” since the name of the person was not used. 

All the blogs are all linked to a source or so.  My daughter’s blog is linked to her fan page and you “MUST” go to her fan page to access said blog.  If you access her blog via her Fan Page—it is a clear stage of “CYBER STALKING” & “CYBER HARASSMENT”

Blogs written rarely contain names and if they do-they do not have “ANY” last names.  Last names link a person and with that can result in a civil suit.  Many people know their rights of free speech, but when you use names and I do mean-full blown names-you are on grounds of privacy, slander and so forth/

Furthermore the FBI does not get involved with blogs where names are not used and you are using your horrible experiences as information to other people.   That is freedom of Speech.  You are free to discuss your experiences without the use of names.   The people in question may or may not innocent, but you are free to discuss the situation with your fans or readers.

As a writer of several blogs, I have discussed several horrible life experiences and have shared them with the public.  Now, when you are using fact and just gossip as information, you need to back it up with witnesses.  Since a couple of my admin have PDF, screenshot things where a certain individual has shown that she has mentioned my name, used intellectual property without permission-it has gotten to the point…that this is gotten ridiculous.  I have evidence to back up my claims of information used on the “blog” in question.

As a writer, I know full well there is more than 2-sides to the story and yet when you are going around accusing someone of living in a place for years-have the evidence to back it up.  When you are spreading gossip, please make sure that the person is “IN FACT” doing what you are claiming.  I have seen countless times that people spread their own gossip.  “She said this”, when in fact-nothing was uttered from my mouth.  “She is doing this”-when in fact, I am introvert….I barely socialize with many people, especially where I live.  My thing is, please use fact when talking about someone.  When a person makes a scene in front of many people and it gets back to you, especially that it is caught on camera and when you know this person-IT MAKES YOU CRINGE.  It’s that “DAMN, I CAN’T BELIEVE I KNOW THAT PERSON” moment and you make excuses for them.

The thing is, where I live-I barely associate with anyone.  It’s more of a friendly nod, because since I have lived and worked there-people can pop…and I do mean like popcorn pop.  One moment they look fine, just sitting there like a little kernel and one false move and they “POP”

I have heard horror story upon horror story-of people that have known a person to just “POP” and it doesn’t help that they are a liar…and not the kind of liar that is spreading one or two lies, but the kind that believes their own lies.  It sucks, but people are out there like that and I thought this person that was said and done-can move one….but sadly-they do not know the law. 

This blog is for information for others who may write a blog or even if you are writing notes or long statuses-NEVER MENTION NAMES!!!  NEVER POST PICTURES WITHOUT THE PERMISSION AND NEVER…NEVER THINK THAT THE FBI WILL GET INVLOVED IN A CIVIL MATTER.  THEY WILL DIRECT YOU TO YOUR LOCAL POLICE STATION.

Thank you

Square one

I decided to keep the blog. 

Yes, I know.  A great opening line, I did however after much ponder and thought decided to keep the blog.  Just need to put more time and effort into it like I did in the beginning. 

It seems with every beginning it will take more to crawl than to run.  It seems that with the latest fiasco has me in such anger than anything. 

I have never met someone so jealous or spiteful in my life that they love to blame the other person.  But like in anything I believe in “Just rewards”, because being a Karma believer that a person trying to harm another will eventually get harmed in the end.  It may take years or right away.

Eventually everyone feels the harm they have done to another.  I have a set of faith beliefs in place.  Granted they may not be what everyone practices, but I do not cause harm to another.  I do not believe in talking bad about another person.  I do not believe that hurting a family because you are a liar.

So in retrospect to everything.  I have decided to go back to square one.  I had asked people for help and got nowhere.

So as of today, it is a new slate.  A new everything…we’ll go forward renewed….

Irenia Guajardo

~Hellz Writer~

Closing

I think I may be closing my personal blog or open a new one. Only because reading the posts.  I have come a long way. Some were memories of a relationship that no longer existed and I was foolish enough to think he felt anything for me.  Even to the point of having several female stalkers harass me....even to the point where they acted like they had no idea why I was upset with them.
I have PTSD...and with that....I stay the hell away from people that I don't like.  I mean, I don't search for people that I want nothing to do with.  In the start of it, I was so mad, but as time went on...I realized that no matter what...they will always be there.  Creating fake accounts, trying to start something and instead of saying anything.  I just report them.
Last year, I had found something by accident and they acted like it was some sort of lesson for me.  But reality was...they don't get it that I save and PDF everything they did. All simple notes to point at their harassing problem.
But I am above all that.  I read through my blogs...and I see loads of heart ache.  Pain and suffering.  Trials and tests.  Yes, when I started blogging....I had a great following on one page.  Then the problems started and I have since then created three blogs.  I guess it shows who was bothering whom.
But nothing was as awesome as that first blog.  I allowed comments.  I held conversations with my following and now.  I keep comments closed.  I have to moderate everything because of kids that can't read nor could they comprehend simple logic.
I am thinking of wiping the slate clean.  No memories of them.  Start fresh. I haven't even blogged here because of the constant monitoring and I did enjoy my personal blogs.  To some it made a difference and I miss that.  Hopefully, I can have that back....hopefully.


Irenia Guajardo
~Hellz Writer~

Why did the rabbit cross the road??

  GEORGE W. BUSH”
We don't really care why the rabbit crossed the road. We just want to know if the rabbit is on our side of the road or not. The rabbit is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

  AL GORE:
Immediately after I was born in a modest log cabin that I built with my own hands in Tennessee, I invented the rabbit. I also invented the   road. Therefore, the rabbit crossing the road represented the application   Of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.

  RALPH NADER:
The rabbit's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The rabbit did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a Gas-Guzzling SUV.

  PAT BUCHANAN:
 To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

  RUSH LIMBAUGH:
 I don't know why the rabbit crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there Is already forming a support group to help rabbits with   Crossing-the-Road Syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Rabbits crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars -- and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money -- money the government took from you to build roads for rabbits to cross.

  JERRY FALWELL:
Because the rabbit had an alternative life style! Isn't it obvious?   Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The rabbit   was going to the "other side." That's what they call it "the other side."   Yes, my friends, that rabbit had an alternative lifestyle. And, if you   eat that rabbit, you will become that way too. I say we boycott all rabbit 'til we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."

  DR. SEUSS:
 Did the rabbit cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the rabbit crossed the road, -- But why it crossed, I've not been told!

  ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
  To die. In the rain. Alone.

  MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.:
 I envision a world where all rabbits will be free to cross roads.   Without having their motives called into question.

  GRANDPA:
 In my day, we didn't ask why the rabbit crossed the road. Someone told us that the rabbit crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

  BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the Rabbit tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.

  JOHN LENNON:
 Imagine all the rabbits crossing roads in peace.

  ARISTOTLE:
 It is the nature of rabbits to cross the road.

  KARL MARX:
 It was a historical inevitability.

  SADDAM HUSSEIN:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

  VOLTAIRE:
 I may not agree with what the rabbit did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.

  RONALD REAGAN:
What rabbit?

  CAPTAIN KIRK:

To boldly go where no rabbit has gone before.

  FOX MULDER:
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more rabbits have to cross before you believe it?

  SIGMUND FREUD:

The fact that you are at all concerned that the rabbit crossed the road reveals your underlying???????? in security.

  BILL GATES:
I have just released e-Rabbit 2011, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook, and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of e-Rabbit.

  MARTHA STEWART:

No one called to warn me, which way that rabbit was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

  ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the rabbit really cross the road or did the road move beneath the rabbit?

  BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT rabbit. What do you mean by rabbit? Could you define "rabbit," please?

  THE BIBLE:
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the rabbit, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the rabbit crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

  COLONEL SANDERS:
Rabbit?

  TYSON FOODS:
We found it squashed on the road, resurrected and sold it.

What dafuq??

Have you ever heard something so strange and unusual that you question...why the fuck are your telling me this??  It happens all the time....and it is strange that no matter how strange I hear this shit....it still leaves wondering....questioning....
WHAT DAFUQ!!!??
What dafuq was the purpose of that?? What are you thinking??
But the more we say that...the more it seems that it is always happening...and it gets worse and worse and worse.
According to the Bible....it is stated that if you honor thy mother and thy father that you will be blessed with a a prosperous life.  Yet....I don't know if that is suppose to be a great thing because it seems that honoring....seems to be at times a bit excessive.
With everything going on....I am actually tired of how my mother has been acting.  My father in a strange twist of events has turned around and be the good guy.  It seems that he is better as a long distance relationship.  
My mother on the other hand had offered to help me...not because I needed her...but she offered.  I could have gone and sought a babysitter and gotten free bus tickets.  But she offered to drive and babysit and I thought that was great.
Yet....as it turned out....I was blamed that she missed work interviews because of me.  BECAUSE OF ME!!  OR MY FAVORITE BECAUSE I COULDN"T FIND A BABYSITTER!!!  Like now...I have found a couple of people that can babysit and one lady was going to charge $15 per day...$25 for 12-hours. Reality that is not bad. 
So my mother talks to her money hungry Christian friends...and no disrespect to my Christian friends who read this....but she comes back that she should have been paid $25 for 8-hours and $50 for overnights....but it seemed that she is talking professional rates.  Which I have talked to several people ...and some people will cut you a deal...with $15 a day....even though it would be nice....to pay $25 when you can afford it.  But the thing is...she loves to use how I don't want to help her find a job....and all I want her to do is babysit. 
As funny as it was...the original agreement...was she babysits and I find the job and then...I find a babysitter...and she gets a job....I find my own place to live...she can stay until she has enough money and she can move out.
It is not that difficult...but she doesn't do that...she instead just bitches and complains about everything.  It's funny that the other day, she was telling about this lady that she met on the bus.  How "Monica" told her how great it was that she "NEVER" had kids.  How kids are such a problem??
I mean she is telling me this shit.  I mean....WHAT DAFUQ???
She once told me that when you repeat something...it's because you felt the same too....but in life...sometimes you repeat shit because you just spew it out...
So earlier today...she tells me that I should work on her resume...and do all this shit...when in fact I had my to do list.  She went to the library.....was gone for 3-hours.  Why the fuck couldn't she do it herself??  But again....I had to set my time for her. 
I did that in Oregon back in April.  I had thought I could job hunt and work on my resume, because as funny as it was that Tim was willing to watch my daughter....and all it would cost me...is smokes and making sure his phone was on.  Tim was technically low maintenance in comparison to my mother and father.
Yet everyone thought Tim was the infection and my mother the remedy....in fact it is the opposite.  My mother is actually a lot worse than Tim and my father put together. 
The woman is never happy and it's not my fault that my brother kicked her out.  She really didn't want to leave and not only that but she didn't want to live with me.....so I got stuck with her.  It's been hard because she doesn't want to help with anything.....she claims to wash her dish, but doesn't do anything else....she leaves her trash instead of throwing it out...she doesn't help with shit....
Yes, babysitting...big deal...she didn't like any of the other sitters I picked....so I told her today after her final blow up in my face....she can do what ever she wants....because I have ...had enough.  I am the bad guy no matter what....she loves to twists facts...times and shit like that....it's pathetic....
I had enough and I try not to post all the dramatic shit on my page because that is not great....not only that but since my miscarriage I have had 3-yeast infections and horrible ones.....to the point....and yes...I had poured peroxide on my private part just for it to dry out...and it worked....for at least a day...I take allergy medication to help ease the itching...and I have gone to the hospital where they have given me a shot...a pill...to help get rid of this....
I don't wear underwear to prevent any other chance of getting more yeast infections, but it doesn't help....my entire body chemistry is out of whack!! But does she care...no...she just complains about everything...and I mean everything....
It becomes to be a drain and a drag, because I am suppose to set everything aside after she belittles me....and I am suppose to go gun hoe for her...So next week...I'll be looking for more work and having the extra cash to pay for a babysitter...so I won't be needing her....anymore...I'm done with this constant bad daughter thing...and I have no need for it any more....
Telling me about how Monica tells her about how she travels the world....well go after Monica since nothing holds you back....
She once had told me that I shouldn't struggle alone...and she said this shit when Tim was leaving...so it was like...okay...I can deal with the blow about Tim leaving...but reality is...there is no reset button...and well...I finally had enough of this bullshit...
I mean how many women....put their family first!!!??  NOT MANY!!  NOT MANY AT ALL!!! Most women or men...are a drama drain on their parents...and instead...I have been trying...to ease this woman's depression about how my brother treated her...but enough is enough...
It's just time to cut the cord...and let her just go...let her leave her life....no more of anything....we do our thing and she does hers because...this 50-50% bullshit was really 90-10%....and I wait to see what her schedule is like...to work around it...and not anymore...
Like I told my friend, Chris....enough is enough....time to cut the cord!! I haven't lived with this woman since I was 13-years old and now I understand...why I stayed away from my family because they'll never approve of me nor love me....and I am sick and tired of it...

But in new starts...you need to remove the bullshit!!  I have a new author's site...and I would like to move towards that direction about more writing...

To be continued......

Irenia Guajardo
~Hellz Writer~

Things you never say to a man

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahhhh, it's cute.
3. Why don't we just cuddle?
4. You know they have surgery to fix that.
5. Make it dance.
6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?
7. Wow, and your feet are so big.
8. It's OK, we'll work around it.
9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
10. Oh no... a flash headache.
11. (giggle and point)
12. Can I be honest with you?
13. How sweet, you brought incense.
14. This explains your car.
15. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
16. Why is God punishing me?
17. At least this won't take long.
18. I never saw one like that before.
19. But it still works, right?
20. It looks so unused.
21. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
22. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
23. Are you cold?
24. If you get me real drunk first.
25. Is that an optical illusion?
26. What is that?
27. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
28. Does it come with an air pump?
29. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
30. I guess this makes me the 'early bird.

Irenia Guajardo
~Hellz Writer~

Twisted Humor: Nature Walk

While walking through the Colorado woods, a man came upon another man hugging a tree with his ear pressed firmly against the tree. Seeing this he inquired, "Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you doing?" "I'm listening to the music of the tree," the other man replied. "You gotta be kiddin' me." "No, would you like to give it a try?" Understandably curious, the man says, "Well, OK...". So he wrapped his arms around the tree and pressed his ear up against it. With this, the other guy slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, took his wallet, jewelry, car keys, and then stripped him naked and left. Two hours later another nature lover strolled by, saw this guy handcuffed to the tree stark naked, and asked, "What the hell happened to you?" He told the guy the whole terrible story about how he got there. When he finished telling his story, the other guy shook his head in sympathy, walked around behind him, kissed him gently behind the ear and said, "This just ain't your day, is it cupcake?"...

Irenia Guajardo
~Hellz Writer~

Tequila®.

ASK YOUR DOCTOR
Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
Do you suffer from shyness?
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila®.
Tequila® is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions.
Tequila® can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.
You will notice the benefits of Tequila® almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.
Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you never knew you had.
Stop hiding and start living, with Tequila®.
Tequila® may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Tequila®. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.
-Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

Tequila®. Leave Shyness Behind

Irenia Guajardo
~Hellz Writer~

Twisted Humor: Raise

I, the P. Niss, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons: I do physical labor. I work at great depths. I plunge headfirst into everything I do. I do not get weekends or public holidays off. I work in a damp environment. I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation. I work in high temperatures.
Sincerely, P. Niss

The Response:

Dear P. Niss:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons: You do not work 8 hours straight. You fall asleep after brief work periods. You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in or der to start working. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing. You will retire well before you are 65. You are unable to work double shifts. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task. And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Available stories

I am hoping that I will have a press release set out for the short stories....and the mini collection. Yes, finally I got them accomplished...and it did take... almost pulling Tim's teeth out in help with editing, but he finally did....and well I was able to publish.  He wanted to do it the hard way by reviewing a PDF and then adding his notes...I told him to go instead...

Click on a picture and go buy a copy.....available on Amazon Kindle.  You can also download the app for your Android, PC, I-Phone or MAC.....

Available for 99 cents

Available for 99 cents

Available for 99 cents

 And now available the mini-collection of Dementia....or Tales of Dementia Vol. 1

Available for 1.99

 Thank you so much and I appreciate your patronage.....and I will try to get more stories out.....this year...

Irenia Guajardo
~Hellz Writer~

Dark Goddess

Stare at my ashen dead skin

Observe my hands smoldering your soul

Killing joy through lustful yearning

Make your bed and die in it

The woman to stare you in the eye

Violating your sensitive essence

Breaking apart your inner workings

Bringing you nearer to your Goddess

Consumed with dominating hatred

Assisting you to become some one else

Ripping your essence apart from within

Bringing you closer to your Goddess

Bringing you to your knees, you worship

Lifeless pale skin wanting to touch

Enjoying every moment of my presence

Feeding your consuming hatred

Call my name when you're happy

Bringing misery, torment and pain

Shouting for deliverance from life

Bringing you closer to the pain you seek

Releasing your pain in to the night

Bringing malice to those that deserve

Killing those Gods of your past

Breaking the hearts of loved ones

Fueling hatred to every living thing

Begging for relief from your torment

Selling your soul to your dark mistress

Ashen sinister Goddess of desolation

Releasing you from your confusion

Bringing you closer to your dark Goddess

You can find this poem and others in:

Illuminations of the Soul/

Obscurities of the Heart

Irenia Guajardo
~Hellz writer~

Children Stories....

In 2008, my son Uriel...had issued a challenge.  Granted at the time...I was battling...and the only thing that was going through my mind was horror...death...giving up.  But...it was his idea about creating a little girl who was magical and loving.  Where ever she touched...she made a difference.
Granted in my life at the time...I never thought it would be possible that I would ever write a children story...maybe a horror script.  As it was...I had dabbled in dark comedy and it was a great thing.  I made a couple of friends over it.
So the kids story...I created this huge story that I was told either to cut it in half or shorten it.  But my son loved it.  We did a focus group and the kids loved it.  So....there goes the whole kid story thing on how it started.  I had promised that I would dedicated it him.
The main title is Angela's Adventures.  With each title underneath it.  So the first one is Deep in the woods...and with the cut up...Now we have also have The Terrible Troll.  Written in 2008....then in 2011...I wrote 3-more....One inspired by me.
The little Maple leaf....it was hard to write it...and my sister is correct...my children deserve to have this story dedicated to them.  Through it all...my heart longs for them.  I miss the hell out of them.  But...as Marci said...I needed to focus on myself because it is hard to be anything...when you feel your heart is ripped apart.  I know what was going through...especially when you loose..it's called a parent's death.
I know those that weren't there...didn't see how I felt...how I feel now...would never understand and make ASS-umptions.  I know Tonya, Joanne, Katy, Jessica and several other people...were there to try to hold up a broken pillar.  I understand those that don't truly know me...can make all these lies about me...because it makes them feel better....being judgmental.
I know....The Little Maple Leaf...was more about me...I always fought...fought...and I never knew when to give up....till I was told to.  It tears me up in the inside to know that was 2-years ago. 
But...it is true...get your life in order...focus on yourself...and that isn't some selfish thing....besides...they know about my daughter.....the little miracle that came into my world...to give me a second chance....and I can tell you...that she is a combination of them all.
She is very much like Wednesday Adams...especially creating her own story.  It wasn't like a challenge, but watching her play....creating her story...I had to write it....and have it dedicated to her...and of course Story Idea by....she is truly wonderful.
I know...with all my friends...who are going through rough patches....it's just because they're children spreads a few lies....I know a friend going through that...and my heart goes out to her...because I know I made a grave mistake.  It eats me up alive......but...that is who I write for...them.
I never imagined writing children stories...and they got accepted...so in good news...the world will get to enjoy a piece...of something that they inspired me. Even though my heart breaks for the ones that aren't with me...I am not dishonoring them by just giving up on my dream...and one dream is one day we will be together....I know it may be that dream...but until them....I will...continue like Marci suggested...and focus on getting my own life on track...rebuild Pompeii or maybe Rome....where I can believe in happy endings...but....until that day...
I am very proud...that their ideas are coming out...and drawing...my youngest daughter's pictures have become something a lot of fun...it helps try to mend a broken heart....it just felt like Wisconsin took a lot from me....but rebuilding....is the best to become a better writer...to heal the damages....of my past

Irenia Guajardo
~Hellz Writer~

Ideas....

The next step in writing is formulating an idea.  Once you have figured out with minor worksheets on what's your voice and style.  Write what comes natural.  Writers write. 
Now is to think of an idea.  If you mention but this person already did it.  Yes, they did, but how many times has Dracula been told??  The vampire tale??  How many times has it been told??  Yet the latest psycho crazy is Twilight.  I seriously believe the idea was wonderful, but the following is just psycho.  I tried to read the books and yet the girls who wrap their mind around this need serious therapy.  That is my opinion.
My vampires don't sparkle, my vampires aren't romantics, my vampires are killers and yes you will have the vampire that is remorseful.  It's human nature.  It doesn't matter if you are a vampire, werewolf, demon or whatever....you will always have remorse.  Animals have it.
So you have an idea and yes, it may have been done.  But the thing is...what hasn't been done...is you.  There are stories around about cannibals, but if it was told via you...then it's different.  I have been working on a killer elf story and yet...I learned the other day that they are filming a killer elf story.  Okay, am I going to scrap that entire project???
HELL NO!!  I had this idea since 2008 and notes and never talked to this person who created their idea.  The thing is, the way I will tell my story will be different than the way they tell their story.  Big difference.  So here we are...we are laying in our bed....lounging in our chair....hanging upside down or what ever makes you comfortable.  Yes...comfortable.
You need to think of what your idea will be...some scary monster ripping some people apart.  The scary monster has already been done, but are you going to stop??  NO!!  The answer is hell no!!  You will write your scary monster...you will tell your tell.
How many times has the story been told about the prank caller/hidden caller/restricted caller.....how many times....via Scream and other stories that have told this story.  Doesn't mean that it hasn't been tried.  It all has been tried. There is nothing original anymore...it's just the way you tell your story....you need to know your voice...and not a copy cat of Stephen King or who ever is your idol.  You need to figure out who you want to be........don't copy anyone and I will say that over and over again.
Be yourself....even as a writer.  If you are demented in the mind and tell people your thoughts and they look at you funny...call you crazy...and what not....it's best to write it out, because if you can speak, you can write. If you can write...you can convey your idea for the world to read. 
What you need to think about is the idea....what you are passionate about....and from their convey it...write it down in a short but brief description.  Nothing major...no character names...we will go into that in my next blog. 
Is your idea about goblins, or trolls or vampires....what ever it is...write it down...either it be a one sentence to a paragraph about what your idea is about.....and leave it alone.  It doesn't matter if every day you write an idea down....just get it out of your head


Irenia Guajardo
~Hellz Writer~

Finding your voice

I was going to do a reverse engineer, but as it daunted on me.  There has been many conversations with different stages of writers that all have one thing in common....DOUBT!!
We all have heroes that we look up.  Either it be Stephen King, Clive Barker, or any other multitude of  authors, directors, Batman or what ever is your hero of choice. Yet some people try to be stupid little candle of what they are.  It doesn't matter how much you ask them a question....it's always the same.
I admire this person and I like this and that.  Yet it isn't who they are.  If you force something out of you.  It's not your voice.  You are trying to hard to be something that you are not.
Take it from me.
When I fell from what I call my own grace...from what I thought was this surreal version of what my life should have been.  I had my voice.  Till it was taken away.  For a long while, I tried to find my own voice by trying to mimic others.
Yet that isn't who I was.  It did take a special person to help me, even though I fought him.. Thinking he didn't know me well enough, but the problem wasn't him, but me.  I didn't believe in my own voice as a person and as a writer.
We as a writer don't need others to help find our voices.  We need to find it ourselves.  The first step in becoming the writer, director, producer, super villain, hero or what ever we want to become....we need to find our voice.
So how do we find it?? Search your soul.  If you can't write gore...it's because you probably you are not meant to.  Don't fight it.  I know my voice and it's a pretty scary one.  I can write with own voice, it took years to find it. 
The first step in becoming that unstoppable artist that lies within you is to find your own voice.  Yes, you can people you look up to, but remember that they are nothing but inspiration.  Don't be like them.  You can't be them.  WHY??? Because you are you!!  Not them.  You're voice is unique...and maybe someone will compare you to someone, but don't strive to be anyone but you.
Sit
Soul search
Write some pieces till you find what you would sound like.
Be yourself

Find your voice is not as easy as it may sound until you stop being other people and start being you.



Irenia Guajardo
~Hellz Writer~

Uploading....

Illuminations of the Soul/Obscurities of the Heart was e-published in 2010 and in printed form in 2011.  There is an easy format  for publish the hard print and the E-book format.  Yet...the most stupid mistakes can happen and can frustrations...so I will be doing a blog on publishing your books...for both Amazon, Smashwords and offbookshelf.com

I understand their is going to be people being frustrated with the whole self-publishing...it's fucking work...but I will hopefully try to help

Please stay tuned....



Irenia Guajardo
~Hellz Writer~

Rework

Since I got my new photo program.  I have been re-doing the covers.  Since people have asked to release a few stories, which I am not going to lie...sort of put me in some serious thought.  Should I release singles or as a triple threat??  Which everyone requested both.  Granted as E-books...they will be great, but leave the original concept of the collection of 13-short stories. 

Before

After

I can tell you that it is interesting to redo the covers.  I even did a new cover for Rejection with the new programs.  I must say...it was a lot of fun.  Well...alright loads of fun.  Yes, I should be writing or even correcting but reworking the covers into what I needed seems to be more fitting.  It sort of feels like a before and after.  You have the fat person and the next picture is of the skinny person.
Granted I am not going to say that my covers were fat...they just needed a lot of room for improvement.
I had e-published the Devil's hand, but now...I think I will pay it a visit and redo it better...scarier.  A visit down memory lane just to improve it.
I think the after is much better than the original.  I guess it is a lot like me.  I wasn't much about 3-years ago and now....much better...lol

Stay tuned......

Writing

I have been putting off blogging about some writing points for a while.  I know for a couple of weeks, I was busy trying to restore a lot of missing files that I was nearly completed on my Novella and on my collection of short stories.
I have sniped some people on Amazon.  Which reading their reviews, some had gotten great reviews while others were in my eyes humiliated by telling them that their works has never seen an editor or even worse that their kid could write better than them.
In this day and age where self-publishing has become a fad for those that are wanting to be a writer.  Yet, they are mimicking the best. It's one thing to be a copy-cat but create your own voice.  Real writers work hard to achieve their own voice.  I try to trick it up some. Yet, I when I write I have a several step process.   I can say I have been mentoring someone that is an aspiring writer.
Yet, today I realized that I need to write these writing points...because I can't always be mentoring a person.  I have my own child to worry about.  My writings one day will influence her into following her own dreams despite what anyone says.  I want her to understand that we may be struggling now, but when the time comes she will be able to remember that mom never gave up...even when I have wanted to
I had someone believe in me and I guess I have been wanting to believe in those...to help them out, but hell...I think if I just guide their happy ass to my blogs...then it will save me time.
So...writing points here I come...


Irenia Guajardo
~Hellz Writer~

Clowny Terror

I know embracing my demented humor and dislike for clowns has to be worked for something.  So I created this demented, but funny short-short script that will be filmed based on a joking conversation with Chris Warner.  I know one night during our long conversations that made me wish for a clown to come up and scare the crap out of him but in a way that would also make people laugh.
Yes, I'm fucked in the head for even thinking such shit.  Yet again...Chris would really need some sort of Clown to come up and scare the shit out of him.  It could happen with a little cinematic magic.  But I'm pleased with the little short-short and hell It would be nice as a short in a DVD in the start of the movie of in a section. Besides there is tons of film fests that allow for short-shorts....

Irenia Guajardo
~Hellz Writer~

Askew Ball: Author's Note

Askew Ball was originally suppose to be written as a short story, but upon meeting Trevor Thomas Murray and getting to know him.  I had talked about this demented little story that turned into a short script that he believed in me enough to submit it to Broom Street Theater during a little contest they were having back in November of 2009.  I came back to this twisted and yet funny tale, because I was mentoring an aspiring writer by telling him that he should write what he wanted to and not because of what everyone else told him to.
Granted Trevor never told me to write this tale in a script format, but upon many discussions with him.  It just felt like it could go both ways as a short story and a short script to be made by my fledgling production company.  In honor to keeping true to what he said to me...about doing what you makes you happy.  When i read it this hilarious tale, it reminded me of a time that underneath all the stress and bullshit that came with the stress I was in.  Writing this tale made me happy because one person believed in me beyond anything and he made me happy.  I never really told him or anyone till now.  But when I wrote Askew Ball in the short script format it was really for him. 
Now I write it because writing makes me happy. 

Irenia Guajardo
~Hellz Writer~